Stair Dismount

Stair Dismount is a game from , originally released 31st December, 1969

Currently Unavailable

Secret Exit Shoving Off Stair Dismount Touch

When Secret Exit’s Jani Kahrama talks, we listen: he’s given us the goods on SPiN and Zen Bound, and that’s a heck of a track record. Next up for the firm will be an iPhone version of Stair Dismount, a sadistic little freeware title that involves pushing a fully articulated dummy down a flight of stairs.

From Secret Exit’s tongue-in-cheek press release:

“Helsinki, March 9th, 2009 – Following the bipolar success of Zen Bound (the game in which nothing explodes), Secret Exit Headquarters has issued a formal statement denying the circulating rumors of a new Stair Dismount game being in development for iPhone and iPod touch.

‘Dismounting is morally reprehensible.’ says Jani Kahrama, Mismanager of Studio, ‘It would be irresponsible of us (before securing plausible deniability) to announce an entertainment product in which abstract visuals together with realistic physics-simulated behavior and disturbingly accurate sound effects enable people of moral stability to amuse themselves with explorations into the effects of directed force.’

Therefore, effective today, Secret Exit denies all facts about the ongoing development of such a game, Stair Dismount Touch. It is not in a playable shape, in late stages of development or available in the near future at a recession-friendly price point.

Features such as custom face support or a screen capture button for purpose of friendly email attachments are pure speculation and therefore vehemently denied.”

Oh, those crazy Finns! We suggest downloading Stair Dismount yourself and giving it a try. All it takes is a gentle push; gravity does the rest…

More stories on Stair Dismount

Stair Dismount Universal Review

Stair Dismount is exactly what the title suggests: you send a ragdoll flying down a set of stairs, gaining points proportional to how much damage you inflict. As satisfying as this can be in small bursts, the fun of harming inanimate objects only lasts so long due to a lack of levels and incentive to do better.

Calling Stair Dismount a ‘game’ is a bit of a misrepresentation. While there is scoring, this is more of a novelty physics toy aimed toward a niche audience. The gameplay boils down to choosing where you want to hit the ragdoll, pressing the dismount button when the moving power bar is where you want it, and watching your ragdoll smash its way to the ground to satisfy your lust for points.

Watch that first step: it’s a doozy.

This satisfaction is taken a step further through the ability to attach a picture of your friend’s (or boss’s) face to the head of the ragdoll. Pictures from your personal library or Facebook can be used. Face-mapping would have brought this a step further, though.

The realistic ragdoll physics engine that Stair Dismount is built on is easily its best selling point. Everything from friction to the velocity at which you push the ragdoll makes each fall a little differently while still being predictable. Secret Exit obviously spent a lot of time on this aspect of the game, and it really pays off.

Beyond this, the game is filled with shortcomings. There are a mere six stairways to push your ragdoll down, and after spending about ten rounds on each, we felt we had seen everything there was to see. We’d love to see new content in the future, as well as a level editor of some sort since Stair Dismount feels like the perfect app for this.

The handy sidebar shows you which bones you’ve broken.

Replay value is hindered without online scoring. You can go back to any level and try to top your own score, but this quickly got old.

Also important to note is a bug that occurs when your ragdoll slows down enough to trigger the end-of-round countdown. Even if the ragdoll slides off an edge and begins to drop at high speeds again, any damage taken won’t count since the round already ended. This occurs often enough to be a hindrance.

Unless you fit into the niche audience that Stair Dismount is aimed toward, you can skip this one, especially for $2.99. We hope future updates enhance what could be an enjoyable pastime.