Turd Birds Review

As a sage old man once said, “Never judge a book by its cover,” and if pressed a little harder, he probably would have added, “never judge a video game by its name.” The name Turd Birds is most certainly going to draw some criticism, especially from the “this is why we shouldn’t take iOS gaming seriously!” crowd. Two words for that group: your loss!

Before you get too upset with the avian community’s wanton defecation on the masses, our bird friends are not to blame in Turd Birds. The smattering of poo in this case is the work of a devious boy who controls the birds’ bowel movements via remote control. I really can’t blame the boy, because in all honesty I’m sure many of us as youths (and some as adults) would relish in the idea as well.

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Once you assume control of the birds, the main objective is simply to go as far as you can while pooping on as many people as possible. If the goal of the game stopped there we would be looking at another average endless runner, but fortunately there are additional objectives to give the game some added levels of fun.

Turd Birds features an mission system similar to Tiny Wings. A mission contains three tasks that must be achieved to complete the mission. Tasks usually deal with collecting coins or pooping on a certain number of citizens. Aside from the these main missions, there are small objectives within each game. These objectives deal with “making it rain” on certain peoples’ heads. For example, direct hits on Bigfoot (yes, that Bigfoot) or splatting bratty kids will earn you a reward of coins. This money, which accumulates rather easily, allows you to unlock perks and, most importantly, lets you upgrade your fine-feathered friends.

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Seven birds are featured in Turd Birds, each with witty names like Otis Splotus and Sargent Squirts. Starting the game gives you access to only one bird, with the other birds being unlocked by collecting feathers. The first several birds unlock rather easily but the later few take thousands of feathers to unlock, which is a bummer. Collecting 1,687 feathers to unlock the last bird takes a considerable amount of time, even when helped by purchasing a Feather Treasure Chest. Each bird features a unique characteristic, which gives them a distinct feel and will probably have you favoring some birds over others. I found myself favoring BeeBea and its rapid poop over Otis Splotus’ mini-egg (lives) refill.

Turd Birds being an endless runner does have it falling victim to some of the typical problems with the genre. The game features five different areas: beach, city, forest, park, and suburbs. No matter how far you progress in a single game, you always have to start at the beach in a new game. Skips are available but do take a lot of coins to unlock for a one time use. When you a begin a new game at the beach, your bird starts out very slow. I understand the bird’s belly is full of blueberries and corn, which would make it quite lethargic, but I’d rather not fall asleep within the first 30 seconds of a game.

Turd Birds doesn’t reinvent the genre, but its concept and humor make it stand out from the crowd. Fart sounds and animated feces will probably turn off a few people, but if you are able to find the humor, you are in for a good time.

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