Sexy Poker 2009 Review

“Important,” reads the warning that pops up when you install Sexy Poker 2009, “this program contains material that may be objectionable to children under 17.” That’s right, people, the App Store just got a whole lot sexier, and we at Slide To Play are bringing the hotness straight to your browser. Sexy Poker 2009, developed by Ludigames, is the complete strip poker package– minus the nudity.

No nudity, you ask? Of course not. This is the family-friendly App Store we’re talking about.

But rest assured that clothes will vanish, even if the women wearing them are hand-drawn and only strip down to bra and panties. Playing this game, however, does feel a little racy. These may be cartoon ladies, but with the suggestive poses, double entendres, and varying states of undress on display, we felt uncomfortable playing the game in public.

What a lovely padded cell you have here.

There’s even a button in the lower right-hand corner that clears the screen of cards at any time to show you the girl beneath wearing whatever you’ve gambled her down to. For the people not interested in seeing skin, there is a “safe mode” that provides the same hot card-playing action with a generic background.

Decked out with a total of six shapely female opponents, the game forces you to unlock them one at a time. As you whittle away at their bankroll, you also pare down their clothing. If you have a run of bad hands, your opponent puts clothes back on. Undressing her down to her underwear wins you the match. The images of the girls you’ve beaten become available in Gallery Mode, where you can remove their clothes without the hassle of actually playing cards.

Oh yeah, we almost forgot that there’s a poker game in there somewhere– and an exceptional one at that. There are actually three games: five-card draw, video poker, and blackjack. Five-card draw is the traditional poker game we all know and love. Video poker, the toughest of the three types, only rewards you for laying down two pair or higher. And blackjack isn’t poker at all, but it’s just as fun.

Three Aces! Ok, now I’m excited.

For each hand, touch buttons with monetary denominations appear, allowing you to raise the pot. In the poker games, tapping cards filps them to indicate that you want to replace them in the draw phase. In blackjack, buttons appear for you to “hit,” “stay,” or “double down.” Overall, the gameplay is very intuitive and user friendly.

If you’re unfamiliar with any of the games, you can pull up an explanation of the rules at any point during play. In the poker games, you can also access a helpful list that shows the hierarchy of hands.

Unfortunately, the matches are limited to one-on-one play, and there’s no way to involve other players, computer-controlled or otherwise. The music is straight out of late night Cinemax, and the sound effects annoy after a few minutes. While you can turn both of them off, the developers don’t allow you to listen to your iTunes library while you play.

Underneath it all, this is a rock-solid poker game at a great price. If you dig cards and sexy drawings, and either spend a lot of time alone or don’t mind people looking at you strangely, pick this one up. If you don’t fall into that category, you might want to snag one of the gazillion other less embarrassing poker games out there.

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