Pirates vs. Ninjas vs. Zombies vs. Pandas HD iPad Review

You may look at the name of this game (which we will be abbreviating to PvNvZvP for sanity’s sake) and think, ‘WOW! Ninjas, pirates, zombies, AND pandas in one game? That’s everything an iOS gamer could want!’ We don’t blame you for this reaction, as it differs little from our own. However, don’t hit that purchase button until you read our review. The epic game you might be expecting is nowhere in sight.

PvNvZvP is a poor clone of Angry Birds. You fling one of the four factions at a structure holding another one of the four factions. You need to destroy all the enemy’s units in order to complete the level. This war allows no friendly fire, so killing units of your own faction inside the structure results in failure. It’s uninspired and unoriginal, even when it tries to add in new concepts such as multiple cannons and choosing the order of units.

Level design is pretty generic in PvNvZvP, and many levels are obvious and simple. This said, the difficulty level ramps up far too quickly. This difficulty is mostly due to friendly units being placed in terrible spots. In just the first section, we had to skip over multiple levels.

Brains, matey!

Controlling the cannon is very awkward. Every shot requires you to place your finger on the cannon and drag away, and the angle and distance determines the direction and speed. This feels sluggish and makes it difficult to make slight adjustments to your previous shot. Also, using a unit’s special ability, such as quickly dropping a ninja down vertically, requires you to tap on the tiny unit while it flies through the air, as opposed to simply tapping the screen.

Lag is a major issue in PvNvZvP. The frame rate drops to only a few frames per second after you take a shot at any decently-sized structure, which is most of the time. When you have to line up the use of a unit’s special ability, this can make the game feel nearly impossible and very frustrating.

With a name like PvNvZvP, you’d expect a lot of personality. The only place this is found is in the game’s cinematic trailer, which is worth watching. Otherwise, the game’s characters are quite stiff and the environment is static. The art itself is decent, but when put to motion it lacks ‘oomph’.

PvNvZvP has 77 levels, which isn’t a small amount, but it certainly doesn’t stack up to similar titles. Overall, we are very disappointed that this game is so poorly made. Hopefully the developer will update the game to be a more enjoyable experience. For now, though, don’t expect this game to satisfy your craving for brains, shuriken, cannons, or bamboo.

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