Cheap Shot: Deep Space Rescue

Like any great sci-fi narrative, the story in Deep Space Rescue really made us ask some tough questions. For example, if all the enemies are clones of the woman we are supposed to save, who kidnapped her and created the clones in the first place? And how will we know which is which?

Before you get too intrigued, we must warn you. These questions have simple answers, and they’re not satisfying ones. Most of them can be answered with one word: laziness. That’s what this smells like: a game with one character model that can be completed in a mere 15 minutes.

Beware the evil mutant boxes from Box Planet 9

We know it’s hard to get FPS controls right on the iDevice, but most at least give you some options to choose from. You’ll be looking for those after one minute of this game, but there’s no option screen to be found. You can move forward and backward easily enough, but the controls for strafing are out of reach and aiming requires far too much finger swiping.

There are only three available levels, the bulk of which are constructed with the same two blurry textures. The level design is especially awful, and you’ll fight the cumbersome controls as you walk into empty room after empty room, wondering where you’re supposed to go.

When you actually do find enemies to attack, you merely need to stand at a safe distance and unload on them. Apparently clones don’t feel pain, because they won’t react until they disappear in death. You’ll certainly be feeling the pain if you actually spend money on this, so please, avoid it at all costs.

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