Berzerk Ball, a port of a Flash game of the same name, is a cannon-shooter game without a cannon. Instead, you’re a jerk with a weapon, and your goal is to whack a geek as far as possible so that your friends on Game Center will know how awesome you are.
Normally we wouldn’t recommend a game that promotes beating on nerds, but the annoying, snarky geek here– much like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons– deserves to be punished. He makes nonstop troll-like comments, shows off his pasty midriff, and wears a cape. Need we say more?
We’ll see about that.
To launch the geek, you watch the meters and tap the screen to lock in your shot’s strength and trajectory. Once that’s determined, your character swings and the geek goes soaring gloriously through the air. After he bounces and skids to a halt– apparently unharmed despite the mist of blood– he’ll say something like, ‘Noob shot!’ and you’ll want to whack him again.
Your starting weapon is a flimsy flyswatter, but you can purchase bigger and badder tools in the game’s shop by using the coins your geek collects as he flies through the air. Upgrading is a must if you want to rank on the game’s leaderboards, because upper-level weapons like the battle axe and scythe really pack a wallop. You can also equip items like a ninja headband or a beer bunk helmet to get additional perks.
She winked at me!
As you play, you earn experience points that let you level up and upgrade your stats. Soon, after whacking the geek, your character will start racing along the ground, keeping pace with the geek so you can get in a few extra swings if you time your taps right. You also have a minimal amount of control over the geek when he’s in the air, so you can try to guide him into things in the environment (like bees and robots) that give him an extra boost. Don’t count on this helping you very much, however, as he’s almost always moving too fast for your subtle tweaks to be of any help.
One other missed opportunity is that there are no substantial differences between the playable characters. You can choose between seven characters to beat on the geek with, but they’re all the same except for their looks and the maximum stats they can reach. It would be cool if each one had a special ability or some other feature to set them apart.
Regardless, we couldn’t put Berzerk Ball down. It’s one of those games that you keep playing to nab a higher score, and before you know it you’ve lost several hours of your day. If you’re not sure if it appeals to you, check out the Flash game first. But if you want to pound the crap out of a nerd and you like your gaming in bite-sized bursts, pick this one up. It won’t blow your mind, but it will let you get your aggression out on a judgmental loser who has it coming.