Beatdown Review

At one point or another, we’ve probably all had fantasies of quitting or being fired from our jobs in epically explosive fashion. While most of us– at least we hope most of us– have never actually done this, going out in Office Space style seems to be an enduring American fantasy. Now Ravenous Games has brought out a game called Beatdown! that allows us to live out those fantasies, at least in videogame form.

In Beatdown you play an average working stiff who is wrongfully fired from his job. Instead of just packing up his cubicle and leaving, he decides to take out his righteous anger on anyone and everyone who gets in his way on his quest to give the CEO of the company a piece of his mind.

Welcome to the multiverse.

If you’ve ever played Streets of Rage or Double Dragon, then Beatdown! isn’t going to surprise you. You guide your well coiffed hero through a series of pretty typical levels like construction zones, parks, and office buildings while plowing through hordes of enemies. While traveling your path to revenge, enemies drop all sorts of weapons like axes, swords, and pipes for you to use. You also have a ‘rage’ meter which, when filled, turns our hero into a blistering vessel of anger and lets you do powerful, virtually unstoppable attacks.

It’s a fairly fun game with decent controls, but there’s little to distinguish it from any other brawler you’ve ever played. If you’ve ever had the joy of playing 5 Minutes to Kill (Yourself), then you know the potential of a wrath filled, office-themed videogame. Beatdown doesn’t exploit its concept in any meaningful way, and that’s disappointing. It’s just a slightly-above-average brawler.

Massive pixelated head wounds.

The office setting is basically just window dressing, and the rest of the game is stuff you’ve seen in virtually every other side-scrolling action game you’ve ever played. Sure, for some bizarre reason you fight ninjas and zombies, but it makes no sense, and at this point we’re actually surprised when there aren’t zombies in an iOS game.

There are also a bunch of game-killing bugs we’ve discovered. From time to time our hero would just stop moving, or wander off in random directions, and occasionally be totally unresponsive when we would try and make him do something. The game would also just crash after playing for about 15 minutes or so. This happened quite a bit, so it’s more than just some random bug.

Beatdown is decent. It’s not great, it’s not horrible, but it’s a perfectly average game. If you can get past the bugs, then you’ll have a suitably acceptable time playing this for maybe a couple of hours. But honestly, your money is better spent on something like Punch Quest or even Sega’s port of Streets of Rage 2. Beatdown doesn’t have what it takes to compete.

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