There’s nothing subtle about Burnout Crash– it’s the kind of game an 11 year old boy would make if left to his own devices. Your job in the game is to rain mayhem on poor, innocent drivers and nearby buildings. The game rewards destruction for the sake of destruction, so there’s no need to waste your time thinking about it too hard.
Burnout Crash has three modes, but they’re all pretty similar. In Rush Hour, you have 90 seconds to cause the biggest crash possible. In Road Block, your aim is to create such a magnificent cluster of wreckage that regular drivers can’t escape off the edge of the screen. In Pile Up, you’re asked to make as many cars as you can crash and burn.
These sociopathic tendencies play out over six levels that unlock as you rack up a collection of stars. You earn stars by meeting benchmarks in each level, like causing a certain dollar amount of damage (think millions), or triggering incidents like destroying three cars in a single explosion.
To cause all of this carnage, you control just one car. At the start of each level, you put your finger where you want the car to go, and it follows along. Once you make an initial crash, your car stops running normally, but you can apply “aftertouch” by swiping at the car with your finger. This makes it bounce around, into oncoming traffic or nearby buildings, or wherever your heart desires.
It’s definitely silly and kind of dumb, but sometimes that’s what you’re looking for in a game. Burnout Crash comes out in April, so please try to hold your violent tendencies in check until then.