Animals of Mass Destruction Hands-On Impressions

When we saw Animals of Mass Destruction on the App Store, we had to know more. There was no choice at all in the matter. And now we will share the fruits of our investigation with you, our lucky readers!

AMD is something of a cross between the original Metal Gear and The Lost Vikings. It’s an overhead-view action adventure with heavy stealth elements, like Metal Gear… but you also have to switch between three characters with different abilities to solve puzzles, just as in Blizzard’s first big hit (yes, really). To wit: the dog packs a shotgun to kill guards, the cat can use stealth to avoid or assassinate them, and the chicken hacks computerized doors.

The whole thing is just outrageously over the top. The game opens with one of the strangest voiceovers we’ve ever heard, explaining how the Animals of Mass Destruction were created to take the fight to the terrorists. From there, the first mission involves infiltrating the compound of some Chinese panda warlord, and illegally rendering his ass to a Black Ops site.

That’s right–in most games of this sort, you rescue hostages, but here you’re actually abducting guards and torturing them for power-ups by playing a minigame between levels. In the words of a certain former Defense Secretary, “the gloves are off!” We weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

As a game, Animals of Mass Destruction runs at a much slower pace than you’d think. Avoidance and planning is emphasized over action, and losing a character is an instant loss. However, you can pick up and activate power packs that turn an operative into a killing machine for a short time.

We’re not quite sure what to make of this one yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as we’ve played enough to decide.

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