New App A Day: The Expendables Game

Today’s featured app is The Expendables Game, which, if you’re not fueled by enough adrenaline to be familiar with it, is based on a movie about every action star that matters teaming up to go on a killing spree against bad guys who deserve it.

So it would make sense if the game let you take control of Sylvester Stallone, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Steve Austin, Jason Statham, Jet Li, and all the rest of the stars from the movie, wouldn’t it? Yes, it would. But The Expendables Game doesn’t play by rules based on something so puny as logic. Instead, you inhabit Stallone’s character exclusively, and you trudge though a single bland environment and kill wave after wave of bad guys.

The action takes place from a third-person perspective similar to Gears of War and Uncharted. But unlike those games, this one has terrible graphics and doesn’t let you do anything but walk and shoot. In fact, you walk forward automatically, and you have to press a button to stop. If you want, you can also tilt the device to turn and press a button to shoot, but that’s it. You walk around, grabbing health and ammo, and shooting bad guys as they slowly appear.

It all happens in one big, boring environment, with a timer that mercilessly counts upward, marking exactly how much of your life you’ve wasted playing this shoddy cash-in. Stay away from this game. Our beloved action heroes deserve better.

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