The Ball is Too Fast, The Game Is Too Slow, The Name Is Too Long

From the creators of nothing that has been created before, comes a new game. THE BALL IS TOO FAST, THE GAME IS TOO SLOW, THE NAME IS TOO LONG is an exciting arcade action game in the style of old-school classics. Try to outplay your opponent, disintegrate their energy barriers by hitting it with bal...

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New App A Day: The Ball Is Too Fast, The Game Is Too Slow, The Name Is Too Long

Today’s featured app has a title that’s sure to grab attention, if not for its length, then for its tongue-in-cheek gripes about how the game functions. In our estimation, however, the first two complaints in the title are unfounded. The balls do roll fast, but that’s a good thing– it makes for challenging gameplay. As for the second part, the game is very responsive, so it moves as quickly as you can swipe you finger across the screen. They’re right about the name being too long, though– this is a video game title, not a Faulker sentence.

Gameplay-wise, the Ball Is Too Fast, The Game Is Too Slow, The Name Is Too Long is like BrickBreaker meets air hockey. Armed with a paddle that you can glide across the bottom of the screen, you face off against a human or AI opponent in an attempt to whack balls past their paddle’s defenses. The twist is that, in the middle of the playing field you’ll find blocks that you have to break before you can score any points.

From this simple setup springs a very enjoyable game that will keep you on your toes from beginning to end. Each level has a different set-up of blocks in the center of the screen. Some blocks are gone for good once you break through them, while others reappear after a few seconds. Some contain power ups, while others do a variety of other things that are fun to discover as you play. After a while the balls speed up, making everything more challenging for both players.

If you’re playing against the computer, you can choose between three different difficulty settings. If you’re playing against a person, both players use opposite sides of a single device, which works pretty well. And we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the rocking chiptunes that make up the game’s soundtrack.

So far, we’re having a blast with TBITFTGITSTNITL. If you fancy yourself as having quick reflexes, be sure to check it out.

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