This week in a meeting of the minds in California, Barack Obama stopped by to say hello to Apple CEO Steve Jobs. We don’t mean to brag, but our top-secret source has provided us with an exclusive transcript of the conversation that took place between the most powerful man in the world, and Barack Obama.
Obama: Steve! It’s a pleasure to see you again.
Jobs: It’s an honor, Mr. President. Last time we met, it was, what, 2008? A lot’s happened since then…
Obama: For one, your stock has doubled, and mine is flat.
Jobs: Well, you’ve had some tough decisions to make. Two wars, a financial crisis, and the midterm elections. All that would take a toll on any President.
Obama: I’ll tell you, this job doesn’t allow me a lot of downtime. But still, with all that going on, I had to make some time to talk to you about something very important.
Jobs: I’m all ears, Mr. President.
Obama: Hey, that’s my line! Steve, I’m looking to get past the conflict and launch Obama 2.0. It’s time for an upgrade. Something that will get people excited again– and nobody’s better at rolling out new features than you.
Jobs: You’re saying… you need a few pointers on salesmanship.
Obama: Exactly. I can’t change the world without generating some enthusiasm. Any tips?
Jobs: I understand. We’re both faced with making unpopular decisions all the time– like how our products don’t use Flash. We actually did make an iPad with Flash support, and you know what happened? It went wild in the laboratory and bit off a technician’s face. So now we have to deal with whiny consumers complaining about a lack of Flash support.
Obama: It’s like they don’t give you credit for the things you do get right.
Jobs: And everyone’s trying to put you down and take your place. You get called a Socialist, I get called a cult leader. But just be yourself. At that press conference where I introduced the iPad, I just sat in a fake living room and surfed the web. For a few minutes, I stopped being Steve Jobs, the billionaire control freak, and just settled into being cool Uncle Steve with the awesome computer.
Obama: So you’re saying’¦ relax?
Jobs: I’m saying, set aside a few minutes a day to get in touch with your inner geek. Here, I’ll gift you some iTunes credit. We have a little saying at Apple: ‘There’s an app for that’. People think all we do is make toys, but I think you’ll find the App Store has at least a few thousand apps for fixing the US economy and creating new jobs. And check out Angry Birds, too: It’s a great way to waste some time.
Obama: And what about getting young people to vote?
Jobs: Have you heard about push notifications? It’s like a text message, only more annoying. How about we send one out to everyone who owns an iDevice on election day, saying that they can’t access their email, Facebook, or games until they get to a voting booth. Our target demographics are about the same, Mr. President: Young, educated, and wealthy. You’ll do alright.
Obama: That sounds perfect, Steve. I’m glad we had this chat.
Jobs: My pleasure, Mr. President. Now let me ask you: Have you given any thought to ditching the Blackberry?