Epic Dragon

Epic Dragon is a game from , originally released 31st December, 1969

Currently Unavailable

Epic Dragon Review

Epic Dragon is amazing because it lets you do so many things. You can make a sandwich, ride a bike, climb a mountain, see a movie, or plant a tree, all while not playing this game. All you have to do is hit the “done” button between incredibly long, completely non-interactive battles that run automatically, and you’re free to live your life as you see fit while still managing to be incredibly bored by this game.

In this sense, Epic Dragon is a game for people who hate games. It will simply reaffirm their hatred. Besides the shiny graphics, which we actually like, there is really not a lot of redeeming value to this game.

Chasing the dragon.

In Epic Dragon, you can choose a character from ten different archetypes and level them up by battling goblins, slime monsters, and of course, dragons. Epic Dragon’s RPG elements, like equipping items and shopping for goods, would normally be quite compelling. But when the only use for your new Sword of Whoopass +2 is to engage in twenty more excruciating auto-battles, you’re bound to lose interest fast. In fact, you’ll be begging for mercy.

Better put on the Lord of the Rings soundtrack (or any Final Fantasy music, if you’re into that kind of thing), because Epic Dragon also makes you waste your time in absolute silence. The animation isn’t even that interesting to watch, because except for the occasional thrust of your character or their enemies, there’s nothing to look at except for a slowly rising action bar. It’s like “Page Loading: The Game”.

If you’ve leveled up your character enough, battles are a foregone conclusion, and you don’t need to hit one single button. You also can’t hasten the inevitable ending of each battle with a “skip” or “fast forward” button, but oh, how we wish we had one. There are even battles with training dummies hours into the game that do nothing but stand there and let you slowly earn more experience points.

Coach is calling for a slime-out.

While you can choose which enemy you want your character to fight next, battles are not in any way interesting. The best moments in the game actually come between battles, when you can go shopping for new items, but even this is frustrated by the random inventory of the shops. New items don’t simply become available as you advance’”they appear and disappear on a whim, leaving you unable to save up for the specific weapon or armor you want.

Epic Dragon is an absolute dud. It needs a “skip battle” button just to become tolerable. We understand the desire for a game with Final Fantasy-like battle meters and lots of customization, but this is definitely not it. Avoid this game and find something else to spend your time on.

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