Blend the Boss by Joe Cartoon

Blend the Boss by Joe Cartoon is a game from , originally released 31st December, 1969

Currently Unavailable

Cheap Shot: Blend the Boss

My name’s Steve Palley, and I’m the Bossman here at STP. The Big Kahuna. El Jefe Maximo. I don’t take orders, I give em, and that’s just the way I like it. It’s the natural order of things.

But you know what? My fellow bosses and I don’t feel real safe right now. We’ll be living in fear until the party responsible for Blend the Boss–a sick individual who goes by the name Joe Cartoon–is hunted down and locked away forever.

I-Play ought to be ashamed of itself for publishing this unrepentant boss-hater’s murder factory! I had grave misgivings when a warning message popped up upon install, telling me that the game may not be appropriate for players under 17.

The streets will run red with the blood of the bourgeoisie!

Gee, ya think? How could catapulting a hapless boss into an outsized blender be deemed appropriate under any circumstances? Especially when you can “customize” him with a picture from your photo library?

Oh, sure, Joe Cartoon plays it off as a dopey little physics game. You shoot ducks flying across the screen by tapping on them. They turn into roasts and plummet to the ground, landing on a teeter-totter and flipping the unsuspecting boss airborne like a flapjack.

He might miss the blender entirely, or get stuck on the rim, requiring a little “nudge” on the accelerometer to ease him in. Then it’s boss puree and bonus points. There’s other stuff to shoot at, too, like pigs and gerbils.

Occasionally a gigantic, Godzilla-like boss rears up out of the background; after multiple shots, he turns into a deluge of blood. That’s worth 500 points. Achievements are offered up for stuff like launching the boss past the blender a certain number of times, or shooting him dead with your last bullet.

Har de freaking har, Mr. Cartoon. So funny we forgot to laugh.

Go ahead and blow 99 cents on Blend the Boss for a few minutes of laughs, if it’ll keep you from wanting to dynamite the office. The jollies won’t last long, though, and just see if you get that next promotion.

Editor’s Note: Cheap Shot is a new review feature where we pick a game that costs $.99 or $1.99 and give it the quick review treatment. While you won’t find a 1-4 score or our usual pros and cons, you will get a direct assessment of the game based on a one-hour playthrough. You’ll still find our full-length, regular reviews for other games.

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I-Play’s Summer Lineup: Pool, Jewels, Weddings, and Blenders

We’ve never seen such a strange lineup in one demo before. On iPhone, I-Play has something coming for the sports fan (Pool Star featuring Earl Strickland), casual gamer (Jewel Quest Deluxe), wedding-obsessed (Dream Day Wedding), and even disgruntled workers (Blend the Boss).

In the US, Pool Star features pro shooter Earl Strickland, while the UK version will use Steve Davis. We learned today that you’ll be able to play peer to peer multiplayer when iPhone OS 3.0 comes out, and while you can grab the game for $1.99 now, the price will increase to $3.99 pretty soon. Pool Star seems to be a competent pool sim, so check it out now at a discount price if you’re interested.

Jewel Quest Deluxe is the follow-up to Jewel Quest II, and it adds boss battles to mix up the match-three, gem-sliding fun. In the boss battle we saw, your fedora-donning tough guy and an opponent took turns sliding gems in a race to acquire 25 red jewels. While this is pretty much exactly the same formula as Bejeweled and similar games, the boss battles, unique table layouts, and future peer to peer multiplayer could make this one slightly better.

Dream Day Wedding is one of the best games of this bunch, probably because it involves no actual lifelong commitment or drunken in-laws. Instead, it’s a seek-and-find game, where you have to gaze deeply into a highly detailed photo of a ballroom, spa, or other wedding-based location to pick out hidden knickknacks. A few minigames, like adjusting the spouts at a chocolate factory, take this a bit beyond the normal seeking gameplay.

And finally, because novelty gross-out games are alive and well on the iPhone, comes the amusingly tasteless Blend the Boss, a port of the Joe Cartoon game. In Blend the Boss, you can take a picture of someone you hate and place it on a cartoon body. Then you have to shoot a bird out of the sky, land the dead bird on a catapult, and it will launch the object of your ire into a man-sized blender. When they fall in, they’ll turn into Danny Torrance’s elevator nightmare from The Shining. This is one gnarly App, and while it may be good for a few laughs in the break room, if upper management finds out about it you’ll quickly end up unemployed.